Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
