Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
