You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
