Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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