4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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