i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
