If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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