I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
