youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
