after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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