Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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