I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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