you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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