what day is it and did you see me today?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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