Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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