Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
