Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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