I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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