Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
