Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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