3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
