guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
