You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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