Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
