Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
