Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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