remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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