sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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