I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
