How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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