I wish my penis had an off switch
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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