It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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