just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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