I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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