I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
