Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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