So drunk its hurt
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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