we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
