I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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