I'm eating all of the evidence.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
