well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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