what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
