I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
