no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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