Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this will be a night to untag.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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