the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
