i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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