Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
