If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
