if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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