I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
