I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
