Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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