My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
