so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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