Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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