And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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