Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
