My room smells like vodka and shame
look no pants
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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