forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
