Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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