i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
