Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
