I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
