i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
