just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
