i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
