First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
