he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
