Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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